Being 25 and single doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. I spend the majority of my social time interacting with beautiful, kind, smart, proactive friends who don't fit the typical BYU mold. Yes, they are in their mid to late 20s, have been graduated from college and often grad programs for several years, working in meaningful professions and {gasp} are not married. Especially from interactions with sisters in my relief society, I've realized that normal, attractive, spiritual girls just haven't found/ been led to the right guy. In most cases, this is not because they are awkward, lazy, stupid, unattractive or wierd... it's just that it hasn't worked out. Don't try to tell any of us that if we changed this or that or were less picky that we would be married by now. It's not true. We're just doing our best to do good things with our lives whether or not Mr. Right comes along.
Along with this exciting east-coast single lifestyle, we all deal with feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, and insecurity. Some of us do better at hiding or diminishing these feelings than others, but they are there. The best realization for me is that it's normal. Thinking about how little control we have over our dreams for a future family is frightening for all of us. But, we still overcome all of these obstacles to make something beautiful and meaningful out of this portion of our lives that we never really planned for or wanted, for that matter. At age 16, most of us thought that by now we'd have a family of our own, not a "household" of 1. But we deal, adjust, and make meaningful contributions to the lives of others, while trying to find our own place in a rather difficult social world. Indeed, the strength of those around me has changed me for the better.
A larger sense of what it means to be an American. My perspective about many political, social, and cultural issues has expanded a lot since leaving Utah. I avoid taking stands on most issues, because there's always going to be someone who defines this or that differently than I do, or a reason that I should look at the issue a different way. But somewhere in the midst of it all, I have a greater appreciation of the diversity of belief, values, and background that makes Americans who they are. I love shopping at the grocery store, surrounded by people who live/ think/ speak differently that I do. We're not all the same, but we all go to buy milk and bread, wait in the same lines, hate the traffic.
The relativity of wealth. I make a considerable amount more money working out here in the DC area. I am not considerably more financially secure. Who knew a $900,000 house could feel so ordinary? Several years ago, my 2002 Toyota Corolla felt almost luxurious. After dates in BMWs and Infinitys to eat at restaurants where meals cost more than my grandparents' weekly grocery expenses, I've become rather spoiled. Still, when I go to the Pentagon City mall to buy a new shirt, I pass up the $75 cardigans and $200 shoes for the $13 sale rack.
The value of a good pair of running shoes and a gym membership. Spending three nights a week at the gym has been great. I never knew before how many benefits there are to this habit. Physically: I look better, I feel more in shape, I'm motivated to eat healthier (though this doesn't happen as much as it should), I have more energy. Emotionally: I cope with discouragement and depression more easily; even on a bad day, a good workout at the gym helps me feel like I've accomplished something, and usually I'm having fun. It doesn't get much better than when your instructor takes the time to point out to you individually that you did well. I've recently re-accepted the fact that I'm never going to be any good at basketball, but with enough work, I can feel like I'm pretty good at ab workouts or step class. Socially: I'm more confident. The thought of wearing a swimsuit at the beach this summer doesn't scare me.
Why traveling is so fulfilling. Give me a suitcase, a few days off work, and full tank of gas, and life just doesn't get any better than that. From a bike ride down the GW Parkway, to a park in Boston, or a walk down the streets of Charlotte, NC at night, I love doing new things. I love feeling that I'm experiencing a part of something extraordinary, while expanding my understanding of the the past and the present. It's pretty cool to know that I've been in the room where the Declaration of Independence was signed and then stayed the night on Bunker Hill where an actually battle for liberty was fought. Now if only this stupid snow and cold would go away so I could spend some more time outdoors without feeling like I might lose my big toe from exposure.
Last but not least, I've evolved from the BYU singles ward dating sense of humor to the east coast singles ward jokes. That's why this video is rather funny to me.
And while you're checking out videos that are more funny if you live in Virginia, but pretty hilarious anyways, check out this one about Arlington.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
impatiently wishing to hold back the dawn
Totally in awe of a talk called Patience by Neal A. Maxwell (November 27, 1979). Thought I'd share my favorite parts:
Patience is not indifference. Actually, it means caring very much but being willing, nevertheless, to submit to the Lord and to what the scriptures call the "process of time."
Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient we are suggesting that we know what is best--better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than His.
Patience is not only a companion of faith but is also a friend to agency. Inside our impatience there is sometimes an ugly reality: We are plainly irritated and inconvenienced by the need to make allowance for the agency of others. In our impatience--which is not the same thing as divine discontent--we would override others, even though it is obvious that our individual differences and preferences are so irretrievably enmeshed with each other that the only resolution which preserves agency is our patience and longsuffering with each other.
There is also a dimension of patience which links it to a special reverence for life. Patience is a willingness, in a sense, to watch the unfolding purposes of God with a sense of wonder and awe, rather than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstance. Put another way, too much anxious opening of the oven door and the cake falls instead of rising. So it is with us. If we are always selfishly taking our temperature to see if we are happy, we will not be.
Very importantly, it is patience, when combined with love, which permits us "in process of time" to detoxify our disappointments. Patience and love take the radioactivity out of our resentments. These are neither small nor occasional needs in most of our lives.
Patience permits us to cling to our faith in the Lord when we are tossed about by suffering as if by surf. When the undertow grasps us, we will realize that even as we tumble we are somehow being carried forward; we are actually being helped even as we cry for help.
My brothers and sisters, the longer I examine the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more I understand that the Lord's commitment to agency is very deep--indeed, much deeper than is our own. The more I live, the more I also sense how exquisite is His perfect love of us. It is, in fact, the very interplay of God's everlasting commitment to agency and His everlasting and perfect love for us which inevitably places a high premium upon the virtue of patience. There is simply no other way for true growth to occur.
God's attributes of omniscience and omnipotence no doubt made the plan of salvation feasible. But it was His perfect love which made the plan inevitable. And it is His perfect patience which makes it sustainable. Do we not, again and again, get breathtaking glimpses of God's perfect patience in the execution of the plan of salvation, concerning which He has said that his "course is one eternal round" (D&C 3:2)?
Patience is, therefore, clearly not fatalistic, shoulder-shrugging resignation. It is the acceptance of a divine rhythm to life; it is obedience prolonged. Patience stoutly resists pulling up the daisies to see how the roots are doing. Patience is never condescending or exclusive--it is never glad when others are left out. Patience never preens itself; it prefers keeping the window of the soul open.
When the veil which encloses us is no more, time will also be no more (D&C 84:100). Even now, time is clearly not our natural dimension. Thus it is that we are never really at home in time. Alternately, we find ourselves impatiently wishing to hasten the passage of time or to hold back the dawn. We can do neither, of course. Whereas the bird is at home in the air, we are clearly not at home in time--because we belong to eternity. Time, as much as any one thing, whispers to us that we are strangers here. If time were natural to us, why is it that we have so many clocks and wear wristwatches?
Find the whole talk here.
Patience is not indifference. Actually, it means caring very much but being willing, nevertheless, to submit to the Lord and to what the scriptures call the "process of time."
Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient we are suggesting that we know what is best--better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than His.
Patience is not only a companion of faith but is also a friend to agency. Inside our impatience there is sometimes an ugly reality: We are plainly irritated and inconvenienced by the need to make allowance for the agency of others. In our impatience--which is not the same thing as divine discontent--we would override others, even though it is obvious that our individual differences and preferences are so irretrievably enmeshed with each other that the only resolution which preserves agency is our patience and longsuffering with each other.
There is also a dimension of patience which links it to a special reverence for life. Patience is a willingness, in a sense, to watch the unfolding purposes of God with a sense of wonder and awe, rather than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstance. Put another way, too much anxious opening of the oven door and the cake falls instead of rising. So it is with us. If we are always selfishly taking our temperature to see if we are happy, we will not be.
Very importantly, it is patience, when combined with love, which permits us "in process of time" to detoxify our disappointments. Patience and love take the radioactivity out of our resentments. These are neither small nor occasional needs in most of our lives.
Patience permits us to cling to our faith in the Lord when we are tossed about by suffering as if by surf. When the undertow grasps us, we will realize that even as we tumble we are somehow being carried forward; we are actually being helped even as we cry for help.
My brothers and sisters, the longer I examine the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more I understand that the Lord's commitment to agency is very deep--indeed, much deeper than is our own. The more I live, the more I also sense how exquisite is His perfect love of us. It is, in fact, the very interplay of God's everlasting commitment to agency and His everlasting and perfect love for us which inevitably places a high premium upon the virtue of patience. There is simply no other way for true growth to occur.
God's attributes of omniscience and omnipotence no doubt made the plan of salvation feasible. But it was His perfect love which made the plan inevitable. And it is His perfect patience which makes it sustainable. Do we not, again and again, get breathtaking glimpses of God's perfect patience in the execution of the plan of salvation, concerning which He has said that his "course is one eternal round" (D&C 3:2)?
Patience is, therefore, clearly not fatalistic, shoulder-shrugging resignation. It is the acceptance of a divine rhythm to life; it is obedience prolonged. Patience stoutly resists pulling up the daisies to see how the roots are doing. Patience is never condescending or exclusive--it is never glad when others are left out. Patience never preens itself; it prefers keeping the window of the soul open.
When the veil which encloses us is no more, time will also be no more (D&C 84:100). Even now, time is clearly not our natural dimension. Thus it is that we are never really at home in time. Alternately, we find ourselves impatiently wishing to hasten the passage of time or to hold back the dawn. We can do neither, of course. Whereas the bird is at home in the air, we are clearly not at home in time--because we belong to eternity. Time, as much as any one thing, whispers to us that we are strangers here. If time were natural to us, why is it that we have so many clocks and wear wristwatches?
Find the whole talk here.
Monday, January 18, 2010
I have...
...an ugly virginian driver's license that took way more effort to get than it should have.
...a gym membership that I love, even if it's not that great for my budget. Who knew I would find two hours at the gym so enjoyable?
...some great friends, even out here in virginia.
...the day off, which of course means time goes by much faster than at work, but seems much less productive.
...respect for a new blog that I read today, which is written by a friend of mine. Just one example of the amazing women I've come to know out here in DC.
...the urge to read a good book, but nothing to read.
...a cute new pink shirt.
...a boyfriend who calls me every night and listens to me. Lucky me.
...parents who love me.
...a best friend who happens to be my sister and a sister missionary in London. I miss her.
...an addiction to facebook, especially on boring days.
...a deep love of sunshine, which I especially enjoy while taking afternoon naps.
...a gym membership that I love, even if it's not that great for my budget. Who knew I would find two hours at the gym so enjoyable?
...some great friends, even out here in virginia.
...the day off, which of course means time goes by much faster than at work, but seems much less productive.
...respect for a new blog that I read today, which is written by a friend of mine. Just one example of the amazing women I've come to know out here in DC.
...the urge to read a good book, but nothing to read.
...a cute new pink shirt.
...a boyfriend who calls me every night and listens to me. Lucky me.
...parents who love me.
...a best friend who happens to be my sister and a sister missionary in London. I miss her.
...an addiction to facebook, especially on boring days.
...a deep love of sunshine, which I especially enjoy while taking afternoon naps.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
50 year olds sure can dance
Tonight I had one of those "life in alexandria makes me smile" moments. Justin being 792 miles away forces me to be creative in keeping myself occupied on the weekend. So I found myself at Dance Studio Lioudmila on a saturday night. I learned some sweet cha cha, rumba, and samba moves. However, I was shown up on all of those moves by a whole bunch of 40-60 year olds. They sure were having fun moving their hips and getting into the music. It was fun to watch and gave me a reason to smile.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Questions
Why does protein taste bad?
Will I ever get to the point where people tell me to be "less patient"?
Is that funny noise my car makes at 60 mph worth $300 to fix?
Why didn't I figure out a career path 7 years ago?
When I feel terrible, why do I avoid doing all the things that will make me feel better?
Why do I stink at being a 3rd month girlfriend?
Why do two year olds enjoy doing everything you tell them not to do?
Why is God so willing to give me just the right encouragement to make all the unanswered questions seem so much less important than I thought?
Will I ever get to the point where people tell me to be "less patient"?
Is that funny noise my car makes at 60 mph worth $300 to fix?
Why didn't I figure out a career path 7 years ago?
When I feel terrible, why do I avoid doing all the things that will make me feel better?
Why do I stink at being a 3rd month girlfriend?
Why do two year olds enjoy doing everything you tell them not to do?
Why is God so willing to give me just the right encouragement to make all the unanswered questions seem so much less important than I thought?
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Disneyland and New Year's Eve
Justin and I spent a few days after Christmas in California, where the sunny weather greeted us. It even lasted long enough for us to enjoy a warm afternoon in Disneyland (though not long enough to keep me warm at night while we waited for the fireworks).
We spent New Year's Eve in Salt Lake City, where we enjoyed an evening of fine dining at the Roof Restaurant, music at the Assembly hall, and avoiding the cold air as much as possible, though not during the fireworks and showing Justin around the temple square Christmas lights for the first time. We ended our holidays in Pocatello and Rexburg, Idaho, where we helped my little brother Eric get situated in his new apartment at BYU-Idaho! So glad that when I was a freshman up there, I moved in when it wasn't icy, windy, and freezing. All in all, Virginia, California, Utah, and Idaho treated us very well during the holidays.
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