Part of a family

I found this art work that Luca made at school the other day and  was deeply touched. I do feel a part of this beautiful, kind family, and it has changed my heart. I'm glad it has touched their hearts as well. To have been so unconditionally and fully accepted by these children and their parents has been a blessing beyond what I could have ever asked.

At the top of the reason I'm glad to have spent the last year in Salt Lake City are these two little boys. It has been such a privileged to watch these boys grow up. I didn't know how attached my heart would become to a baby boy whose diapers I have changed a million times and whose little changes every day are such a joy to be a part of. I didn't know how a spontaneous "Guess what... I love you" would mean every time I hear it. 

I am grateful to have spent a good portion of the last five years a been a nanny. Being single for much longer than I anticipated has lead me down unexpected and sometimes difficult paths. But any heartache has been tempered by having innocent, loving, playful children to smile with and love every day. I miss these two darling faces more than I could have anticipated. They both have such kind hearts and joyful personalities. I hope to play with them again soon.

And then, there are these three children who changed the course of my life forever. They are part of the reason I am becoming a speech pathologist and a lot of the reason that I feel like children with disabilities are meant to be a part of my life forever. I anticipate the day when I can come to really know the eternal, perfect souls that are hidden inside of their bodies and minds of such limited capacity. There is something in Ali's eyes that will always speak deeply to my heart.

I am not sure if my time as a nanny will continue beyond this spring, I do know that life brings progression and change.  Time passes quickly and I often look back and ask myself what I have accomplished as the years go by and I get older. In many ways, I feel to wonder if I could have done more. In other ways, I look at these beautiful children who have been a part of my mornings and afternoons and dinnertimes and know that this is meaningful. Those thousands of small moments with each of them have changed me forever. They have been my meaning...my purpose.

If I actually used twitter...

...my tweets from the last few days would include:

All I can find in the cupboard for dinner is Oreo's. Better than nothing?

The temporary crown on my tooth that I just drove all the way down to the dentists office to have put back on the 2nd time lasted about 1.5 hours before coming off again. They made it looser :-/ Now I can't wear it at all. Not fun.

Why does my hair always unexpectedly dry beautifully when I'm not try to get it to do that, and then look terrible when I'm actually trying for the air-dry, wavy look?

I'm going to slip, and slip hard, one day on the layers of ice that surround my car. If you can't find me one day, check the parking lot. Still, I'll take that risk in exchange for not having to deal with ice and snow on my windshield on cold winter's morning.

Favorites of late

Favorite Christmas Present (thanks Mom): Cute yet functional snow boots that I finally got to use, though only to walk across the ice to the horrible laundry room in our apartment complex. Still, these boots are going to get some snowshoeing use in asap (which may not really be that soon if it decides to not snow again for a several weeks).

Favorite Yoga Pose: Warrior (though I have set to make this happen on the beach...that would be awesome)

Favorite expensive hair product: Bb. deep leave in conditioner

:

Favorite song I can't get out of my head this week

Favorite surprise: a guy who actually planned a decent date (just pray that he isn't like the last 10 guys--and doesn't disappoint me in a big way; small disappointments... I can handle, big ones... not so much)

Favorite video related to my future career that I've seen lately.

 Favorite recently discovered recipe: Pumpkin Pull-Apart Bread. Though a close second is the delicious meatloaf I made last sunday. If you haven't ever had REALLY good meatloaf in your lifetime, make it happen soon. Guaranteed it's better than you think.

Temple Square lights... and snow...finally

 I went to Temple Square 6 times this December. Can you believe that there was NOT ANY snow there any of those times? It took until January 7th to get snow at temple square. Strange.

I visited temple square with:

-a dear friend

-another dear friend

-for a ward party

-for a mission reunion

-with a good friend who also happens to be an ex-boyfriend 

- Luca and Nico, briefly 'cause we were cold 

And this is kinda how it looked. But Christmas lights are not very photographable.

These are from my walk over to the temple Saturday afternoon. I stepped out my door and thought to myself "I think I'll walk instead of drive cause it's so nice outside." And then I was like, "Wait since when does cold and snowy equal nice outside?" Well, I guess it does when all you see for most of November and December is dead brown ugliness. If it's gonna be freezing cold, it might as well snow and make it all pretty, right?

So, yeah, this blog is pretty much the replacement for my scrapbook. So you get a lot of pictures. And some of those aren't the best quality, cause I don't have a cool camera and even if it did, I wouldn't carry it around with me all the time anyway.

2011: Year in Review by the Numbers

# of feet high I was while standing on the top of Angel's Landing: 5785

Classes I got an A in: 5

Pairs of jeans I purchased: 3

Miles I backpacked: 5

Boys I kissed: 7

Earrings I lost (estimate): 3

Apartments I lived in: 3

Amount of money I spent on food: $3,136 (about 2/3 was on groceries)

Browning children who lived in Utah in 2011: 5

(Browning children estimated to live in Utah in 2012: 2.5)

National parks I visited: 5

Diapers I changed (estimate): 1100

Visits to the Zoo: 12

Baby Kisses: 175

Times I got a flat tire on my bike: 4

Talks I gave in church: 1

Times I laid out by the pool and got a nice tan: 0

Times I checked facebook (estimate): 1500

Score I got on the GRE: 1190

Waterfalls I hiked to: 3

# of feet between my apartment and the Salt Lake Temple: 2,112

Stolen my heart

My sister came to visit for a few days while I was working in Salt Lake. It was nice to have her around for the craziness that is being a nanny to two boys. We also got in a photo shoot at the library while she was around.

Of course Luca was total ham. Taking pictures is not his favorite thing.

Aren't these pictures precious? This baby sure is adorable. I love how cute cuddly he is.

My sister I were talking about the fact that I've been Nico's nanny since the day he came home from the hospital.
She said: "How does it feel knowing that you've been taking care of him practically since he was born?"
I said: "It feels like how would I ever stop being his nanny? Like, how could anyone else come and take my place."

I've never been a full time nanny for a infant and now almost one-year old before. Yes, other kids have stolen my heart, including a 14-month-girl who grew into a fun, happy 2-year-old girl. And a 5-year-old boy who writes me letters to say he misses me. But the attachment I have to this baby boy is something special.

With grad school around the corner and much many decision in the near future, I'm sure that life will take me in another direction, probably sooner than later. But I sure enjoy rocking that baby to sleep at night and hearing his laugh when I spin him in the air, and catching him when he falls. So even though being a nanny is tough at times, especially on cold winter days, I find myself soaking in my time with these boys, and appreciating the chance to love them. (Except when Luca is in tears for the third time in one day because he doesn't get a Christmas present yet. I have very low tolerance for entitlement. Just drives me crazy. And let's not even get me started on the reasons I hate Christmas gift giving.)

Enjoying the season

Up to 4... 4 official visits to the lights at temple square so far. Since I live about 3 blocks away from temple square, my goal this Christmas season is to see how many different friends and events I can attend at temple square. Once it's January, I'll post a picture collage of my visits, but here's little sneak peak:

I'm actually enjoying the Christmas season so far this year. Lots of goodness thus far. If only it didn't have to end in the whole opening presents tradition. Still trying to figure out a way I can avoid this in my future family without a Christmas morning letdown. Determined to create some better traditions that actually focus on the Savior that don't involve buying or getting new socks. 

On another note...

Life's been quite busy the last few months. I usually can't fall asleep until I can get my "to do list" to stop streaming through my brain. Usually at night there's so many things I have to get done: study for the next test, buy something on amazon, call or text someone, pay something, fill out some form or application, return something, clean something, cook something, add something to my grocery list, email someone, plan something, mail something, read scriptures, pray, remember to bring this, stop thinking about him quite so much. But after finals this wednesday and finishing grad school apps after that, I think my "to do list" will slow down a bit. Maybe I'll actually be able to fall asleep before 11:30 pm and fit in some exercise some where. Let's not kid myself, I'm going to keep myself really scheduled and busy during Christmas break, because that's just how I roll, but at least it will involve less exams and deadlines.

Also having fun with the kiddos lately even though it's sooo cold outside. Rediscovering cool places like the bookstore, the library, and playdates, and discovering a sweet new natural history museum. This baby sure is cute:

So far this season, I've introduced Luca to The Grinch, Santa at discovery gateway, the Muppets Christmas Carol, and taking him to the lights soon.